It's time.

This week has been full for me. My week started off re-visiting a very painful time which was the death of my sister. July 27th was the 1 year anniversary of her death. It's been a long year. Over the last year, I have spent a lot of time working on healing, forgiving, loving, and moving on. I still have my moments where I miss her terribly, but they are just moments, and not days. Her death affected every aspect of my life. I was unmotivated, unproductive, and down.

There was an end in sight. This week marked many changes.

Before my sister died, I had lost 50 lbs. After her death, I had gained 30 back. (I am down 5 now though!!!) This last year, I have been working really hard on healing, finding the place I need to be, and moving forward. I have found that as I have been working towards my goals, that all aspects of my life need to be in order to make any measurable progress. When one area was working, another was failing. I had to figure out a way to sync myself. 2 of my big goals have been achieved. One of the biggest ones was finished Tuesday night. It was time, and I was ready. I can't wait to get back to the one place that I really need to be.

My second goal I achieved tonight. While achieving this one goal, I realized I had to let one of my other ones go, for now. I really wanted to do a triathlon this year. I am not ready. Not physically, mentally, or emotionally. I am on the path and maybe next year will be the year. It's still a goal, just not one front and center. So the other goal I reached tonight was to run. I wanted to run at least 2 miles. As I finished my last lap I thought to myself, "I got this." And then I kept going. I will toot my own horn for a minute...I did 2.5 tonight. That was huge for me. It felt great to push myself harder than I have in a long time. It felt good to be focused and how easily it fell into place when all the aspects are in sync. For the first time in a long time, I felt really, really good. It feels like a lot has changed and the healing is well on it's way.

I know that I am going to be ok. I know that my family will be ok. I am so blessed to have a wonderful husband that loves and supports me. We have fun together. He makes me laugh even when I don't want to. We are going to Italy next year. It's time to have our honeymoon! I have 3 beautiful children that bring me so much joy that my "cup runneth over". They push me to my limits. They wear me out. But they are mine and I am a better person because I have the opportunity to be their mother.

I have wonderful friends. Friends that I have re-connected with who are more important in my life now than they ever realize. Family that accepst me and loves me. A new friend that stops by to give a hug because she understands what it's like to have a "moment". Friends that know when a good movie and a cry is exactly what I need (and go to Italy with!!). Friends that bring their babies over so I can munch on them when I have a moment of weakness and think I may want another one. (It passes quickly...every time!) A friend who has become like a sister to me. A friend who has been a friend for many years and knows that our standing date w/ Kenny Chesney is important and a priority and I know that if I need her she is a phone call away. I am so blessed.

I also have a very supportive Bishop that has made an incredible difference in my life over the past year and has helped me get to the place I need to be and haven't been for a long time.

It's time. Change is happening now and it feels right.