More in store for us!

What's a post without pics??! Here's another update! A few weeks ago, me and B ran our first race together. It was the "Color Me Rad 5K". She did awesome! We ran the whole way and laughed our guts out. I'm so proud of her. It was a wonderful day! This is my friend Kim. (Her son Chase and B have been great friends since 2nd grade.) She's is so sweet and has been a great friend to me, B, and our family for the past several years. She was diagonsed with stage 2 breast cancer a few weeks ago. She's been going through chemo treatments. It's been so hard on her, her body, and her wonderful family. I've been able to visit with her, and take meals in to their family on treatment days. She is doing ok, but very exhausted. She's also trying to get ready to send her oldest off on a mission to Chicago. We have been able to provide service to their family (whenever she lets us!!) and me and B have grown closer by being able to serve her and her family. It's official...we are moving to Grantsville, Utah because Kevin is the new Chief of Police! I'm so proud of him! He has worked hard all of his career to get to this point. He beat out 26 other applicants; and had some stiff competition. We are so excited for the upcoming changes and are ready to move forward! When Kevin got sworn in at city council meeting, they gave him his "Chief" badge. The mayor asked me to come up and pin it on him. I was so excited and surprised! It was a wonderful moment for both of us. We couldn't be more proud of him and all that he's accomplished. I know he's way excited to get in and get his feet wet. He's looking forward to working with the guys and is ready to take on whatever comes his way! 2 weeks ago, my sweet Mimi passed away. She went very quickly and we were surprised by her passing. When we went to Arizona in April, she was there visiting my parents. We were so excited to get to spend time with her and she was doing so well. We even walked around the mall! My dad called and said she was ill and they were heading up to Portland to be with her. She had lung cancer and it was moving through her body very rapidly. She fought hard for a week, and then passed away peacefully; surrounded by family. I was able to go up to Portland last weekend to attend her memorial. I flew up and then drove home with my parents. Although it was sad that Mimi wasn't there with us, it was great to remember the wonderful things about her life, our memories, and spend time with family. My cousins are awesome! We've all grown up together and it's always fun when we get together. This is all of them, except for 1 that wasn't able to attend. I love them all, including my goofy brothers!! We had a blast! This picture...just cracks me up! B has been going non-stop since school got out and she looked wrecked this morning! We were outside for our yard sale. She was a little delirious!! She makes me laugh!! And lastly....Alex got his braces off and his spacer taken out! Yay!! He's so excited. We almost forgot his appointment, and I remembered and ran him down there just in time! We were both surprised when the dentist said they are coming off. It was a nice surprise though! He did great and has faithfully been wearing his retainer. He looks so handsome and grown up!

Crazy Times!

Bear with me...there's gonna be a lot in this post! Just want to bring everyone up to speed on our crazy life! Alex has been doing GREAT! I have been able to stay home and we are using routine, encouragement, consistency, diet, and anything that helps him to keep on the "moving forward" path. We do not want to medicate him. This is working, and we are going to keep doing what works! Here is one of Alex's projects that he worked so hard on. We are so proud of him and the hard work he puts in daily at school. We know it's a struggle for him, but he's persevering and doing well.

Luke is loosing teeth by the handful! He's lost 3 teeth in the last month! He is a busy kid! He's doing well in Kindergarten and was the KING in his Nursery Rhyme Time Rhythm program. He had to recite a poem, they sang, and he was the King in the "Ol' King Cole" poem. He was excited that Kevin and I were both able to attend his program. They also made their own refreshments. He LOVES school! He does well. We are so proud of the progress he's made this year. Here's a picture of us at his program.

B is also doing well! She loves school and has all A's and B's. She is in the school band and loves playing the drums. She has played in a few concerts this year, and we love to see the progress she makes at each show. She has been babysitting a lot and earning money. She loves going to the mall with her friends and buying all sorts of stuff! She helps us all the time watching the boys and is a great big sister. She is loving, kind, brave, and beautiful. We are so proud of her and the good choices she is making daily in her life. She is GORGEOUS!!

Kevin...well, he's busy as ever at work. He is always busy with work! But, he loves working up at Bluffdale. He is a great leader and we are excited to see what changes will be coming this year. He works hard for our family and we all appreciate all that he does for us. He works even harder so I can be home with the kiddos. I will always be grateful for that! We have had a lot of fun over the past few weeks! He has been a huge support system for me and I love him for that. We got to take the kids to Camp Williams to watch the soldiers do some target shooting with some "big" guns. The kids had a blast, and Kev was right there having fun with them too. Here's a picture from the shooting range:

As for me, well we went to Arizona for a week so I could get my CrossFIT Instructor Certification. I am WAY excited. I have been doing CF for almost 2 years and I really wanted to do the training. Eventually, I'd like to do some of my own training and do a gym. For now, it was great to just add to my skills and knowledge. I'm so glad I did it. I got to train with some awesome people, learn a lot, and even get some good workouts in. 2 full days of information, training, and a test; I was pooped. I thought we would get our scores right then and there. We didn't. I had to wait for almost a week. I PASSED!! It was a great training and I'm so glad I had the support from Kev and the kids and was able to go for it! Here's a pic with the awesome trainers I got to work with:

After my training, we spent the next few days relaxing at my parents house and enjoying family time and the kids' Spring Break. All-in-all, we are busy, but having a blast!

My oldest is a teenager! I can't believe how time has flown. B had her birthday yesterday. We talked a lot yesterday about the time she came into the world. She is our first. And our only girl. She was the first grandchild on Kevin's side. She was a miracle and blessing. I am lucky to be her mom. She is so many things. She is not only beautiful, but kind, responsible, brave, amazing, loving, gentle, happy, helpful, and my friend. We decided to let her have a friend party last night. She cleaned the basement and we decorated it ready for her party. She was pleased with the decorations, the set up, the movie, and the guest list. She had 13 friends over. We heard music, laughing, teasing, and a lot more laughing. Sounds I love to hear at home! I did go down at one point to check on things, and everyone was on some sort of electronic. (Mostly cell phones!) Such a different time...full of cell phones, tablets, Iphones, Ipads, etc. I am glad that they were taking pictures and documenting their night...because I just realized I didn't take 1 picture. Not even a picture of the chocolate/yellow cake B requested. It turned out good too!! I am glad that B had a great party and fun 13th birthday. She is an amazing girl. I am so honored to have her in our lives. PS...to up her amazing-ness...she got up this morning and went down stairs and re-cleaned the basement. Vacuumed as well! I am one lucky mom! I LOVE YOU B. You are my sunshine, my love, my life. I hope you've had an amazing day. xoxox Mom

Not the what, but the how to feel

The feelings have been the hardest. I'm fine with A's diagnosis. It didn't come as a huge shock. We have seen his behavior and struggles and have been dealing with it for awhile now. I assumed that once we knew what we were dealing with, it would be easier. What I'm finding, is that being educated means my awareness is heightened. I feel like I finally have my eyes open and I can really see the struggles he is dealing with. I see it in his face when he is really concentrating, and I see it in his eyes when he is struggling. I see in him as he rages, that he doesn't know what he's doing, doesn't know why he's doing it, and doesn't know how to stop it. I don't know why I didn't see it before. A is a strong, big heart-ed, empathetic, the best laugh-ever boy. When he breaks down, he really breaks down. We are seeing it more and more. Our doctor did warn us that it would get worse before it got better while we are implementing some new tactics. I hope the harder part goes fast. It breaks my heart every time he breaks down. I wish I could take the rage, furry, and confusion for him. I hope that we can keep learning more tactics to help him get through his meltdown faster and easier. I know once he's done, he's exhausted. I feel like every time he does meltdown, he changes a little bit. I don't want his personality to change or for him to be any different that he always has been. He has the best laugh. It's contagious. Once he starts, we all start. It is such a highlight when he gets giggling, and then it turns into a full belly laugh. Laughing so hard our bellies hurt and one of us ends up running to the bathroom before we pee our pants. It's a moment of clarity. He is strong. Some days, I am too. Some days, I'm not. I am grateful that he only has ADD, anxiety, and OCD. I know there are so many other things that could affect any of us. I am grateful for the knowledge that is out there to help. I am grateful that he is happy most of the time. I'm grateful he is otherwise very healthy. I wish he didn't have to experience any of this. I hope that I can be the mom he needs me to be to help him cope with all the changes he is experiencing. I hope that I can continue to expand my patience-bank. Some days I need it way more than others. The diagnosis is one we can live with. The feelings...I'm learning to cope with as well. This will be a positive thing for all of us. Who couldn't stand to be more organized??!! Trying to be super positive. Even if some days...I cry in the car on my own.

Pity Party for 1

Today has been rough. Not sure if it was harder on me, my dear son, or anyone else that came in contact with me.

I haven't blogged in a really long time. I guess life gets busy and time gets away from me. But, I've had a nagging feeling that the best way to cope with this new trial is to write about it.

It's been a crazy couple of months and weeks. But we finally had some answers on Friday. Our sweet boy Alex has been diagnosed with ADD. He is also showing strong signs of OCD and Anxiety. This diagnosis has been a blessing, because we've had a "hunch" with his behavior and his struggles at school for the last few months. We are also able to get some resources to assist him. He's been struggling in school and having a hard time with a lot of changes that have been happening at our home. (That's another post!) He was having more meltdowns that ended up with him and/or me in tears and feeling completely deflated and exhausted. We knew it was time to look into some testing and additional resources.

With our new information, we started working more closely with his teacher, the principle, and we've started organizing our home to help him with routine and consistency.

Today, I am not even sure what happened! He started saying last night that his stomach hurt. Kevin spent some time with him and talked with him a lot about having a nervous stomach and that school is great and we're here to help him however we can. There had been some talk about moving him to another teacher because he has been struggling so much with his current teacher. I guess this was on his mind more than we picked up on. When he woke up this morning, he immediatly started with the tears and stomach ache. I wasn't sure if he was faking or not. He really is good at convincing me that he's sick! So, I gave in and told him he could stay home.

He crawled into bed with me and we cuddled for a few minutes. Luke got up, and he was out of bed and wanting to play. I kep telling him that if he wants to play, he is well enough for school. After a while, he did come to me and said that he wasn't sick and he was faking it and should probably go to schoole. We talked about the rules of him going to school, what is bothering him, his teacher, kids in his class; I felt like we really covered all the bases. And then the meltdown came. And it came with the thunder.

After going back and forth, lots of screaming (him, not me!) and talking, he finally broke down in tears on the stairs. At some point, something clicked in him and he came running into my bathroom and threw his arms around me. He looked up at me and said, "mom, what's wrong with me? Why do I do this? I'm so sorry for yelling at you and I love you very much." I will never forget the moment I felt so completely helpless as a mother. My heart broke. I held him and we both cried.

I told him that there is nothing wrong with him. He just needs some extra help in processing his thoughts and emotions. We talked for a while longer and then headed over to the school. We were there for almost 2 hours putting a plan together and getting us, the teacher, and the principle all on the same page. (If things aren't going the way I think they should...you'd better watch out. The mama bear has been poked!)

I was anxious when he came home from school. I was watching the clock. When he came bounding in and telling me what a great day he had, I knew he was ok.

I know I'm taking the diagnosis much harder than he is. But like I said, I feel so helpless. I don't know what his triggers are. I don't know how he's processing information in his sweet head. I don't know how to calm him as he rages and has no idea why he is feeling so out of control. I fiercly want him to know that he is ok. That we are only wanting him to be happy, healthy, and at peace. I want him to know that he is so loved and that he is not so different from anyone else. I know we will receive more answers and information as we are more educated; but I also know there will be more days like today. Days that have left me with buring eyes from crying all day, and simply defeated. And feeling like I've failed him. So, this is my pity party. And believe me...I've been crying.

I love my Alex. With all of my being. I am widly protective of him; even more so now. He is my boy with the biggest heart. He LOVES everyone and is so empathetic to others and their needs. He will be ok. He will be stronger, and he will still be the light of my life. We'll just take it one day at a time.