Tonight felt like a good night to write. Nothing in particular, just a time for me to write down a few thoughts that have been swirling around in my head today.
I read books. A lot of books. I re-read "My Sister's Keeper" recently. Now I am reading "The Lovely Bones." Both books main characters were sisters. In both books, one of the sisters' dies. I don't know why I picked them up. (I guess I am a "judger" of the cover!) I was sitting outside with they boys tonight while they played. I was reading "The Lovely Bones". - just a little background - one sister is murdered and watches her family from her version of heaven. (That's the really short version!)
As usual, I think. I laid my head back on the chair and was watching the clouds. I marvelled at how quickly they moved. I watched as most of the sky filled up with dark clouds and how, in one spot, there was a white part that was so brilliant white against the sun. It made me think a few different things. 1. I think the people that pass on don't really go "up" to heaven. While I was looking up at the sky, it didn't really seem like heaven was up. I think it may just be here, with us. Just altered to fit whatever their desires are. I am sure that they are places that they get to see and move around, but I just don't know about it being "up". I just can't wrap my brain around that part.
2. I think that heaven is all around us; if we stop to look and see it. "There is beauty all around". I know sometimes I forget to stop and marvel at all the beautiful things that surround me and I am too busy to stop and notice. If I hadn't stopped and looked up, I never would have even noticed the brilliant white cloud among the dark ones. I think that these are little "gifts" that we receive to let us know that we are surrounded by people who are cheering us on.
3. And it was calm. And then the wind blew. Not a big billowy wind, but just enough to sway the tress. Another "gift" to let me know that they are here and watching. That's what I think anyway.
As I sit here now and write, I have a lump in my throat. I have spent some time reflecting. Contemplating lots of things. How to slow down a bit and enjoy a lot more. How to be a better mother, daughter, sister, friend. I feel not just for all that I have lost, but all that I have gained. A greater understanding of my Heavenly Father's love. A beter understanding of the plan. An opportunity to sit at a dedication with my daughter; the first for both of us. How to look for the gifts everyday that are given to us to remind us that we are not alone here. That they are still very close and are cheering us on. Pushing me forward. I have a wonderful husband and beautiful, healthy children. I don't think it gets any better than this life, right now. I am enjoying every minute of it!
6 comments:
The Lovely Bones is an outstanding book. She also wrote a non-fiction book based on her college experience. It was so very good. Very graphic, very sad, very moving.
It is hard to slow down and take time enjoy all the little bits of life. But when you read a book like Alice Sebolds... it makes you appreciate everything so much more.
Oh for time to read a book. I just can't find the time. You would think that since I am an empty nester I would have plenty of time, I guess it is all in the priorities and my garden and home renovation take up what little 'free' time I have, I guess I have to live through your experience with books, way to go.
Sounds like my kind of evening!
I did not enjoy the books that you mentioned.. they are to deep about death and too sad. I would rather read something that makes me happy.
There are so many wonderful things in life to be happy about.. sometimes we need to move on and let the sad times be remembered but not keep us from being happy.
You are a beautiful person and I love you and just want you to go forward......
Well Nik thanks to you I have read alot of books that I have loved and those being 2 of them. Through reading I think it makes us look at a bigger picture and see things differently. I love the way you discribe things and the time you take to look at the world. You know I love you tons. Your my sister from a diffent Mr. Thanks for being the person you are. Dont change!!
my comment sounded different than what I meant it to be. You are so precious to me and I love you so much and you have been my hero this last year and a half.
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